


Desperation

by Scribo_Vivere



Series: Learning Curve [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1513085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribo_Vivere/pseuds/Scribo_Vivere





	Desperation

Everything between getting into Balthazar’s well-outfitted (and wildly expensive) car, and driving back to the apartment he’d rented in the Back Bay with the white-collar job he’d secured, was a blur for Castiel. All he knew was the hunger in his blood and the fire in his veins that nothing would quell.

The doorman at the entrance to Balthazar’s residence greeted him with a silent nod as they passed, and as they rode the elevators to Balthazar’s floor, Castiel’s fingers traced patterns on the other man’s hand. Balthazar unlocked the door, but then simply stood there in the hallway. “I won’t go before you, Cassie,” he said quietly. “This is your choice to make.”

Without hesitation, Castiel stepped over the threshold. Soft, sensuous interior lighting came on, and he was treated to a sight he would not soon forget. Balthazar’s apartment was classy and oozed appeal, much like the man himself. The floors were hardwood in the large kitchen, which boasted an island, a full bar, and modern amenities such as a stove, refrigerator, and oven, but the living room was enormous. A thick white Persian rug was underfoot, and two black leather couches sat on opposite ends of the space. The entertainment center was top notch, and Oriental vases, more than likely very real and very old, sat on shelves. But what caught Castiel’s eye was the window that stretched along the length of one entire wall.

Boston was spread out below them like a blanket. The lights of the city gleamed and shimmered, and as Castiel peered into the night, a soft lamp came on outside. Only then did he realize Balthazar had a roof deck, complete with a table and chairs for two. Castiel turned to find Balthazar standing in the dimly lit kitchen, observing him quietly. He spoke softly. “There’s still one room you’ve neglected to investigate.”

Balthazar’s unspoken words hung heavy in the air, and Castiel came forward, meeting the other man’s gaze steadily. “Perhaps you should show it to me, then.”

Balthazar gently wrapped his fingers around Castiel’s wrist. “You don’t have to do this, darling. As much as I want you, I won’t force myself on you.”

Castiel’s eyes were full of open desire as they met Balthazar’s own. “What if I wanted you to?” His voice was a whisper. For a moment, Balthazar did not move, but then bent his head and carefully covered Castiel’s mouth with his own.

The kiss was gentle in its exploration, and Castiel marveled at the rich softness of Balthazar’s lips. They slipped over his own unhurriedly, waiting for either acquiescence or denial, and his hands remained perched on the other man’s hips-not drawing him closer, but remaining a still anchor. For long moments the kiss remained chaste, until in a sudden fit of boldness Castiel flicked his tongue across Balthazar’s lower lip. The hands on his hips tightened, and then Balthazar responded in kind, starting a slow, fiery dance.

Castiel had always known that Balthazar cared for him. Millennia before they had both fallen, he had seen the dedication inherent in every part of the then-angel's actions where he himself was concerned. Later, when he would swallow the souls of Purgatory, Balthazar had been the one whose opinion mattered most to him-more so than Dean's, though he would never admit that to the hunter in their lifetime. When Balthazar had questioned him, his first reaction had been anger that he was not trusted, but deep down he was secretly pleased that Balthazar had seemed to be the only one in the whole of creation that truly was trying to understand. And now, there was no doubt in Castiel's mind that Balthazar would willingly lay down his life for him.

_Again_ , a nasty little voice in the back of his mind whispered. _You already killed him once; don't you remember?_

Castiel pulled away so quickly that Balthazar was forced to catch himself against the island. His brow creased with concern. "Cassie? What have I done?"

Castiel turned away with a shake of his head, and when Balthazar reached out a hand, he twisted away.

Balthazar's voice was quiet. "Please tell me how I've offended you, Cassie. If I've moved too fast-"

"It isn't that."

"Then what?" Once more, Balthazar reached out a hand, but as Castiel flinched, he slowly let it drop.

"How can you do this?" Castiel asked, his voice rough with pain. "I ended your life brutally, with no remorse, and you seek to begin a relationship?"

Understanding dawned in Balthazar's eyes, and he said softly, "I'm not one to hold grudges, love."

"This is about much more than a grudge, Balthazar." Castiel's eyes were filled with grief. "I took your life in cold arrogance, without a thought. I've betrayed you beyond-"

"Beyond what, Cassie?" Balthazar said gently. "I forgave you the moment your blade ran me through. I loved you in Heaven, and I love you still."

Castiel leaned into his touch as Balthazar cupped his face in his hands, thumbs brushing his cheekbones. "Oh, Cassie," he murmured. "You've always been such a beautiful creature. I knew it, but those blind bastards never could see your worth." Gently, he brushed his lips across Castiel's forehead. "Being human is...complicated," Balthazar admitted, "but it's not all hell. And Cassie-" Balthazar tipped his chin up so the other man would meet his gaze, adding quietly, "You do know I'd never hurt you, don't you?"

Castiel looked at him for long moments-really looked, and found that the creature who had always been willing to do anything to make him happy, and loved him unconditionally, had never left his side. The only change was that he was now human.

Wordlessly, Castiel raised his arms above his head. Balthazar lifted an eyebrow. "I trust you," Castiel said simply. "I always have."

Balthazar's expression softened. He carefully tugged Castiel's polo up and off, unceremoniously dropping it on the floor, and then, he winked cheekily. Castiel couldn't help but laugh, pulling Balthazar closer. "Has that trick worked in the past with your sexual exploits?"

"Well, I can't say that it's ever been a turn- _off_ ," Balthazar chuckled. Castiel kissed the tip of his ear, his lips lingering there for a moment, and the mood instantly moved from lighthearted to deeply sensual. "What is it?" Balthazar half-whispered, and Castiel gently nuzzled the bolt of his jaw, breathing in the scent of cinnamon and sandalwood lingering on his skin. "Take me to bed," he said lowly. Balthazar pulled back, staring at him intensely, and suddenly he was kissing him with a passionate ferocity that left Castiel trembling.

"Tell me you're absolutely certain," Balthazar demanded heatedly, already manhandling him toward the bedroom. Castiel let him lick into his mouth for a few moments before saying with a shuddering intake of breath, "Damn everything, Balthazar, would you just-"

A gasp fled his lips as Balthazar closed a firm hand around his still-clothed arousal, stars flitting across his line of vision. When he had the presence of mind to open his eyes again, he found Balthazar's had darkened with lust.

"Oh, I'm going to make a four-course meal out of you, Cassie-and then we'll start on dessert."

The sexual promise in Balthazar's voice nearly sent Castiel to his knees. As it was, Balthazar had already pressed them down into the silk sheets of his king-sized bed, thighs bracketing Castiel's hips as he plundered the other man's mouth once more, breaking away only for a moment to divest himself of his shirt. Castiel helped him as they made short work of their pants, and Balthazar laughed as he realized they were both going commando.

“Why, Cassie,” he hummed good-naturedly, “I do believe you’re over-eager.”

Castiel carded his fingers lightly through Balthazar’s hair, blue eyes tender. “You have no idea how much,” he murmured. “I’ve desired you for thousands of years, but I’ve been too afraid to admit it to myself-or to you.” Pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Balthazar’s temple, he said quietly, “Forgive me for being so blind.”

“You do still manage to wax poetic in the most awkward of situations,” Balthazar snorted, but the sentiment wasn’t lost on him. Gazing down at Castiel, he felt an almost overwhelming sense of possessiveness flood him. He would do anything to keep the other man safe, even if he had to perish a thousand times over. Death was a small price to pay for Castiel's well-being. Balthazar realized idly that he and Castiel were probably venturing into territory the Winchesters had known for years-that of a love so deep it would go to lengths unheard of to keep the other person in the relationship safe-but he supposed at some point it had been bound to come to this.

“What are you thinking of?” Castiel asked softly, and Balthazar chuckled wryly.

“Only that we’ve somehow become the equivalent of the Winchester boys,” he said, and Castiel tangled their legs together. “I doubt that. We’re much less dysfunctional.”

Balthazar laughed. “You do have a point there, I suppose.”

“Balthazar,” Castiel said suddenly, his eyes open and vulnerable. “Kiss me.”

Well, who could deny a request like that? Obediently, Balthazar did so, until what started out as something gentle became raw and passion-filled. Castiel groaned as Balthazar’s teeth scraped against the hollow of his throat, his pelvis connecting restlessly with the other man’s, and Balthazar shuddered. “Damn it all, Cassie,” he breathed, hands gripping Castiel’s hips tightly. “Tell me what you want.”

“You,” Castiel responded immediately, blue eyes on fire, and Balthazar was simply _gone_.

He surged downward, trapping Castiel’s body beneath his as he nibbled on the tip of an ear, and Castiel twisted under his form, finding the spot to be incredibly erogenous-something he was certain Balthazar already knew and was sure to exploit throughout the evening. When he could bear it no more, he whined unashamedly, clawing at Balthazar's back.

Balthazar growled into the crook of Castiel's neck, the pleasure mixed with pain fueling his already heightened sense of need. He wanted to mark Castiel; own him; take him hard and fast with no remorse-but he never would, and he knew it full well. Castiel meant more to him than to be used in such a way.

Hands on his chest brought him back to the present, and he looked down at Castiel, whose gaze was as filled wth desire, if not more so, than his. “Please,” he whispered. “Make love to me.”

Balthazar's breath left him in a rush. “Cassie-”

“Please,” Castiel begged, fingertips trembling as they skimmed over Balthazar's collarbone, and Balthazar had no more reservations.

Gently, he slid his hands down to Castiel's hips again, rising to his knees. “Raise your legs, love,” he murmured, and Castiel obeyed, the sight sending Balthazar's heart racing. Reaching to the side, he pulled open the nightstand drawer and found the small bottle he was looking for, uncapping it and pouring a portion onto his fingers before swiftly slicking himself. Castiel watched silently, his eyes hooded, and it sent fire tunneling under Balthazar's skin. Their gazes met and locked for the briefest of moments, and then Balthazar moved forward. He nearly forgot to breathe. Castiel was so very hot and tight, even for having had sex before. Still, Balthazar was nothing if not a gentleman.

“Am I hurting you?” he managed to claw out, but Castiel only gasped, “The pain will pass. It always does,” and his hands came to rest on Balthazar's buttocks, urging him in deeper.

When Balthazar finally bottomed out, it earned a groan from both of them. Castiel was a wreck, a high flush on his cheekbones. Balthazar ached to move, but was loathe to do so for fear of it being too soon.

Castiel solved that problem, twisting his pelvis in a way that had Balthazar seeing all the stars of Heaven in one go. He caught himself as he pitched forward, breathing jagged.

Castiel's smile was wicked, and Balthazar could think of only one thing that would wipe that scheming grin off his face. He rolled his hips sharply in a circle, and Castiel keened. The sound sparked every nerve to life in Balthazar's body, and he began to move in earnest, Castiel matching his thrusts.

Balthazar was utterly taken with how beautiful Castiel was in the midst of sex. His skin shone with a thin layer of sweat, and his blue eyes were filled with desire and devotion. Unable to help himself, Balthazar leaned down and kissed him tenderly, whispering, “ _Zirdo aala_.”

The Enochian made Castiel feel fiercely cherished, and he swallowed the lump in his throat, nuzzling Balthazar's shoulder at the junction of neck and throat as the Englishman continued to move.

Suddenly, after many moments, Castiel let out a cry, tossing his head back. Balthazar knew immediately he'd hit Castiel's prostate, and longing to hear the other man's cry of pleasure again, he surged deeper; harder. Castiel scrabbled at the sheets, his breath coming in harsh gasps, and Balthazar felt heat coiling low in his belly, a slow, insistent tickle steadily growing at the base of his spine until he was shaking and breathless with the need of it, watching Castiel slowly yet surely come undone.

“ _Balthazar_ -!” Castiel was lost, back arching, a blood-red flush spreading down his chest, and Balthazar could no longer hold back the flood of pleasure that overtook him. His head bowed, he dug his fingers into Castiel's hips in a way that he knew would leave bruises later. The knowledge only served to accentuate his orgasm, and it left him panting like a wounded tiger, heart thundering wildly beneath his ribs.

Eventually, he felt a cool hand stroking over his damp brow, and he realized he was sprawled out over Castiel's body, his head pillowed on the other man's chest. “Are you all right?” Castiel asked softly, and Balthazar chuckled. “Never better, love.” Shifting position, he settled so that he was facing Castiel, one hand over his heart, feeling its steady thump-thump-thump, and said quietly, “It's always been you.”

Castiel blinked, slightly taken aback by the confession.

“What?”

“If they had asked me in Heaven to choose between them or yourself, I would have made that choice instantly, and it wouldn't have been my fellow feathered idiots,” Balthazar went on. “I knew long ago that you were the only one who truly mattered to me-opinion, thought...even touch.” His fingertips slid across Castiel's stomach, watching the muscles jump and twitch involuntarily, before bringing his gaze back up to Castiel's. “If I'd realized Metatron would fling us all out of Heaven, perhaps I would have encouraged him to do it sooner if I'd known it would lead to this.” Balthazar brushed a stray strand of hair from Castiel's face. “I love you, Cassie.”

Castiel tucked himself into Balthazar's arms. “I know,” he whispered, and closed his eyes, but Balthazar stayed awake for a while after that, listening to Castiel's soft, even breathing, and wondered how he had become so very lucky.


End file.
